Why Mothers Day is so darn hard for me!!
Nearly nine years ago my mum received the good news that she was five years breast cancer free.
That same week Mum was diagnosed with a Primary Brain tumour. Surgery did not help and two weeks later my precious mum was in a coma. Two weeks after that, in the wee hours of the morning, Mum got her Angel Wings. I never got to say a proper goodbye whilst she was conscious and Mum never asked how long she had so nothing was mentioned. I can only pray that she heard all the love whilst she was in a coma.
I was not only robbed of my Mum but my confidante and best friend. Speaking on the phone 6 times a day was not unusual. She had a heart of gold and if you were her friend, you could consider yourself lucky.
Boy, was she kind, with a great sense of humour. My mum did little for herself, as she lived for her husband three girls and the crowning jewel, her Grand Daughter Nikita. She has been robbed of seeing my niece turn into such an incredible lady. You should be here!!!!
For the last five years I have bought a Mother’s Day card. I have written what I wanted my Mum to know about the year. Here is a bit of what of I have written in the card;
“Mum, Nik got chosen out of thousands for a summer job at KPMG. Two weeks after returning to Uni, they offered her a full time position. I know you are as proud as we are.”
“Nikita turned 21 this year, she had a wonderful party and I could feel you there!! You were mentioned in a speech. But cancer bloody well robbed you of being there. I hate you cancer. I hate you with a passion. You should have been there!!!!”
“Spending Mother’s day with you was always so special. Loud as usual, talking over one another. Oh and the laughter, tummy and jaw hurting laughter. You should still be here!!!!”
I had a cousin pass away 7 years ago at 40 L. That is the last time I visited my mum’s grave. But this year I am ready. Wend(my sister) has completed all her treatment and operations. Her work is doing The Mothers day work in honour of Wend. So I am joining them and then my Angel, darling, gorgeous. We are coming to see you. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of you. You should be here. I love you more than words can say but you should be here!!!!!
Another facet that makes Mother’s day so hard is that I have been unable to have children. I have always, from a very young age, wanted to be a Mother. I do have my fur baby, she is human to me. Every year my incredible husband gets a card for me from Pepsi.
So Mum I will see you on Sunday. But you should be here!!!!