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In memory of my mum. World Ovarian Cancer Day.

08 May 2017 by Krystal Barter
In memory of my mum. World Ovarian Cancer Day.

In loving memory of my mother,

My mother was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in 2004 and sadly passed away on September 23rd 2007 at the age of 45. I was only 16 when my mother had died, so to be honest with you I didn’t know what cancer was back then and I never expected that I would lose my mother so young.

She loved the flowers lily’s that symbolised motherhood, purity and passion that perfectly described who she was. She had the clearest blue eyes as clear as her soul, she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, even on her dark days she would light up the room… she was everything I could only hope to be.

Her positive nature was what I believed kept her so strong even when she didn’t hear the best of news, she would smile and say, “it will be okay”. Her being this way gave me the strength I have today. She always believed in me, I remember she loved going to my parent teacher interviews to hear all the good things my teachers had to say. When I use to catch the bus to school in the morning she would walk with me to the bus stop, and she would wait until the bus left. I think now maybe she did all these little things to make the most of time she had to watch me…. maybe she knew deep down that the cancer would get the better of her.

I felt so lost when she had passed – its like I had to start right from the beginning again. New lives… one without her that I couldn’t possible imagine.

I didn’t open up much I was very closed up; I just didn’t want people to feel sorry for me. As I grew older I started to do more research to get a better understanding of ovarian cancer.

Life didn’t get easier and it never will, it’s just that my body is immune to the pain of not having her around anymore. Big milestones in life that I had accomplished, she wasn’t there to share with me and it hurt, but then so did the little things I imagined doing with her as a little girl, like just going shopping and having a coffee together. We just didn’t have enough time together; we didn’t get to have that mother-daughter relationship that I long for everyday.

There are still moments I will have tears down my face just imaging my life today if she was still here, but then I pick my self up because I know she wouldn’t like to see me cry. The biggest hit for me was when I gave birth, for her not to be able to hold her grandson and for him not be able to call her nana.

Life isn’t easy but it’s the darkest days of our life that bring strength we never knew we had.

Our time on earth isn’t forever, we don’t know what tomorrow will bring. All we really can do is the make the most of everyday, cherish the little things in life, forgive those who have hurt us, but most of all love each other.

To my mother you have touched so many people and it brings me so much happiness when people mention you to me, makes me even happier when they say how much I remind them of you. I feel safe mum everyday and that’s because of you, you were everything I could’ve wished for in a mother. Heaven is so lucky to have you my angel until we meet again.

I love you.

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